Fear, Empathy & Inclusive Leadership
Fear wants to keep us safe—but it can also keep us small.
Most of us don’t tap into our best thinking or most courageous leadership because we’re caught in our evolutionary fear response: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. And this doesn’t just impact us personally—it shapes how we show up in rooms, in decisions, and in moments that call for leadership.
Recently, I was on a call with a group of DEI practitioners and coaches. There was a mix of grief and resilience in the space. Many shared how their organizations are scaling back or dismantling DEI initiatives—some out of fear. Others are adapting and evolving, embedding this work into leadership development, wellness programs, and broader cultural strategy. They’re staying committed and courageous, even when it's hard.
What separates those who innovate from those who stall?
It’s not just strategy. It’s emotional skill.
To lead through change, you have to be willing to be wrong. In public.
You have to face productive conflict, not avoid it.
You have to learn from mistakes instead of perfecting, controlling, or retreating.
I know this firsthand.
When I was managing a youth advocacy program, the young people I worked with—all identifying as BIPOC—wanted to organize community conversations following the 2016 Trump election. I introduced a structured circle conversation model, and they ran with it—or so I thought.
At the event, a respected community leader walked into the room, stayed for a few minutes, then turned and walked out, muttering, “This is racist.” My gut dropped. I couldn’t see what she was sensing at the time. But now, years later, I can.
I was leading from fear. I was afraid of getting it wrong. I clung to structure for safety, and in doing so, created a stiff environment. I unknowingly trained the young leaders to do the same. The space lost its fluidity, its authenticity. What that community leader picked up on was the tightness in the room—the way fear had constricted expression.
What would have made the difference?
A little self-empathy.
A willingness to say: This might not go perfectly, and that’s okay. I’m human.
That softness would’ve made more space for others to show up fully, too.
The antidote to fear-based leadership is empathy.
Empathetic leadership is linked to higher levels of innovation and engagement. A culture built on empathy gives people the safety to step outside their comfort zones—because they know their leader will meet them with curiosity, not criticism (Kock et al., 2019, Journal of Leadership & Organizational Studies).
But here’s the part we often forget:
Empathy starts with how you treat yourself.
In one of my favorite sessions of the course I teach, we use a childhood photo as a visualization tool—helping participants practice empathy toward themselves. When we begin to meet our own fear and missteps with kindness, we build the muscle to extend that same empathy to others. That’s how we build workplaces of true inclusion, where people don’t have to armor up to be heard or seen.
What practices help you develop empathy—for yourself and for others? I’d love to hear.
P.S. Positive Intelligence for Leadership is a course I’m offering through Seattle University this fall. We’re uniting a cadre of mission-driven leaders to strengthen their mental muscles and bring empathy, resilience, and innovation into their workspaces.